How To Survive A Horror Movie
by Tatsumaki-sama
Summary: Where ghouls and monsters learn the rules of surviving in a horror movie against the nations.
1. Surprise in the Shower

**Title:** Surviving Halloween  
><strong>Summary:<strong> Where ghouls and monsters learn the rules for how to survive Halloween against the nations.  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> I don't own Axis Powers Hetalia or any of its characters.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: K+ (each chapter may have a different rating)  
><strong>Chapter Title:<strong> Surprise in the Shower  
><strong>Chapter Summary:<strong> Attacking people in the shower is not what it always seems.  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: None  
><strong>Author's Notes:<strong> Since Halloween is coming up and I happened to read a list of rules of how to survive a horror movie, I couldn't resist putting this up. Unfortunately, there isn't a lot of days left before Halloween so I just continue to post even after Halloween. Hope you enjoy!

~.~.~.~

The creature slipped easily into the house through a careless opened window.

His nose alerted him of someone in the kitchen. As he silently headed near the kitchen, it saw that there was a man hurrying to make dinner, chopping away at the vegetables. The creature could have easily killed the man with his back facing him. But the man was wielding a rather sharp blade and the creature preferred a quick and unprotected meal.

Its attention then turned to the sound of water running upstairs. It crept up the stairs, unnoticed by the man in the kitchen. Only a foggy outline behind the shower curtains, there was a petite slim figure who did not realize they had an unexpected visitor.

A girl, the creature thought hungrily. It had been a while since it had eaten a girl.

She was humming a song, hands brushing over her long hair to wash away the shampoo. She did not realize how the creature moved closer inch by inch towards her, mouth dripping with saliva with the thought of eating such a delicacy.

What seemed like an eternity later, the creature stood in front of the shower curtains. The girl was entirely unaware. It twisted its mouth into a resemblance of a smirk. Shame it wouldn't be able to fully taste the girl's fear and horror before eating.

Not a second too soon, the creature ripped open the curtains, ready to plunge its jaws into the unsuspecting girl -

Only to be kicked in the face and fly through three sets of walls and crashing into a table and bookcase.

" Hong Kong! It's not even Halloween yet-aru!" the "girl" irritably yelled, nonchalantly stepping out of the shower, towel wrapped around "her" waist and glaring at the creature with the pose and intent of brutally pummeling it for intruding.

_Rule number 1: Make sure the victim is actually a girl. And also not a kung-fu expert._


	2. Iron Fist

**Title:** Surviving Halloween  
><strong>Summary:<strong> Where ghouls and monsters learn the rules for how to survive Halloween against the nations.  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> I don't own Axis Powers Hetalia or any of its characters.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: K+ (each chapter may have a different rating)  
><strong>Chapter Title:<strong> Iron Fist  
><strong>Chapter Summary:<strong> A young boy alone in the woods is easy prey. Right?  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: None  
><strong>Author's Notes: <strong>This one was inspired by the Hetalia Bloodbath 2010. **  
><strong>

~.~.~.~

To have a child wandering aimlessly in the woods felt like a bonus. After all, it wasn't everyday that dessert would wander right into the druid's clutches.

He was more occupied with playing with a stick in the ground, idly tracing silly and clumsy figures in the dirt than the cloaked figure approaching him from behind. The scent of young fresh meat was nearly overwhelming and the druid's spidery fingers twitched at the thought of strangling the boy before consuming his terror-stricken soul.

The boy paused, sensing something behind him. He turned around with a gasp, just as the druid's hand shot out, about to grab the boy's face.

" No!"

He screamed, wildly swinging his fist at his would-be attacker. The druid inwardly scoffed. It had seen grown men and women try to hurt him or make him back off with their weak technique when they were frightened. All their attempts ended the same way with its belly full.

The boy's fist connected and just when the druid was rollings its eyes in boredom, its jaw was promptly shattered.

With an unholy shriek, the druid stumbled back, clutching its jaw, entirely taken back. For his part, the boy was already running away as fast as he could, crying for his parents. The druid remained on the dirty ground, dumbfounded. How in the world did that boy manage to hurt him when no other mortal managed to, even when they were much larger and stronger than that boy?

A thundering of steps exploded from the distance and gathering its wits, the druid swiftly slithered back into the darkness of the trees to wait for another unsuspecting prey.

But it had spoke too soon as a large hand then grabbed its head and roughly pinned it down to the ground.

Terrified in the first time in centuries at the thought of the monster that was able to catch him, the druid slowly turned its head to look upon the face of a man whose face was much more horrifying than it.

Beside the grim-faced man was another man with softer features. However, the rifle in his hands and it being aimed at the druid's forehead said otherwise.

_Rule number 2: Don't go after children made of iron. Especially if they have two equally powerful parents.  
><em>


	3. Beware the Nice Ones

**Title:** Surviving Halloween  
><strong>Summary:<strong> Where ghouls and monsters learn the rules for how to survive Halloween against the nations.  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> I don't own Axis Powers Hetalia or any of its characters.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: K+ (each chapter may have a different rating)  
><strong>Chapter Title:<strong> Beware the Nice Ones  
><strong>Chapter Summary: <strong>It's always the nice ones that you have to look out for.  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: None  
><strong>Author's Notes: <strong>We need more Badass!Ukraine. **  
><strong>

~.~.~.~

One of the first things the giant spider noticed was that there was a man hiding behind the couch, cowering at the sight of a young girl with two obvious knifes at her belt stalking about in the living room. There was another girl with a more kinder face in the kitchen and she appeared oblivious to the young girl throwing a knife at the couch to get to the man who yelped and slipped past the young girl's fingers and darted into another room. With the girl following closely at his heels.

After observing this peculiar family for some time, the spider decided to possess the man first. He was strong and intimadating, even if currently he was shaking and crying at the sight of his younger sister. He would be very useful in her plans. Besides, it would be fun to see his sisters's faces when they realized their beloved brother would be the one to kill them.

The kind-faced girl was saying something from the kitchen before she disappeared around the corner, as the man jumped out from the room he was hiding in and hastily shut the door, followed closely by the young girl banging on the door from the other side.

It was now that the spider began to make her move. The two girls were distracted and the man was a delicious meal waiting to be consumed. She crawled carefully along the edge of the wall, coming closer to the window where the man's back was currently facing.

Only for something long and sharp to pierce through her back.

She screamed, all of her legs spraying outwards to escape the pain. The object was removed and the spider furiously spun around, ready to inject her deadly venom into her attacker.

A boot met her face and she crumbled to the ground, dizzy and sick with a pounding headache.

No, her attacker wasn't the man. The spider saw him running up the stairs through one of her eyes, just as the young girl tore through the door in the other room. That would leave ...

" Please leave our house," the kind-faced girl said, smiling sweetly at the spider, casually holding a bloodied pitchfork and had no qualms about using it again for a second time.

_Rule number 3: Forget about the one who explicitly carries knives. It's the one who appears to be **not** carrying anything that you should be watching out for.  
><em>


	4. More Ghostly Than Thou

**Title:** Surviving A Horror Movie  
><strong>Summary:<strong> Where ghouls and monsters learn the rules for how to survive in a horror movie against the nations.  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> I don't own Axis Powers Hetalia or any of its characters.  
><strong>Rating<strong>: K+ (each chapter may have a different rating)  
><strong>Chapter Title:<strong> More Ghostly Than Thou  
><strong>Chapter Summary: <strong>It was hard to haunt someone who isn't physically there.  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: None  
><strong>Author's Notes: <strong>If you watched HetaOni, you know that not even monsters were able to see the weaponized awesomeness that is Canada's invisibility.

~.~.~.~

The ghost was delighted to see a car that had just so happened to run out of gas in the middle of the highway with only its haunted site of an abandoned farm nearby.

It shimmered down from its lonely, decrepit housing. The car's engine had stopped running and a creak of an opening door could be heard. Pleased that its soon-to-be victim's escape method was cut off, the ghost pulled itself up as it reached the car, ready to feed.

And there was no one there.

The car was empty.

Not a single soul. No fresh body for the ghost to possess. It was disappointed, if not confused how a car could have driven itself and parked in the middle of the road leaving one of its doors open.

" Who are you?"

The ghost spun around, ready to terrify the wits out of whoever managed to sneak behind it (which was an incredible feat by itself). Only to see a lone white bear sitting in the back seat. Its shiny black eyes gazed mournfully at the ghost.

It paused, even tilting its head curiously. Stuffed animals did not speak, as far as it knew. But what good was this stuffed bear? The ghost disregarded the bear and continued combing the empty car for any living creature.

Then, a quiet, disembodied voice spoke up and this time, the ghost would have jumped out of its skin if it had any.

" Do you need something?" a man who was definitely _not_ standing beside it before asked it. The man's figure was so faint he was nearly invisible. This was the first time the ghost ever encountered someone or something more transparent than itself. It was so stunned it could only gape dumbly.

The man gave the ghost a vaguely annoyed look. " I'm a bit late for a meeting so could we get this over with fast? Please?" he added, in some semblance of politeness.

" Who are you?" This time, the ghost couldn't muster the strength to pick up its jaw as the stuffed bear actually _moved_ and climbed into the arms of the equally strange man.

" Just a ghost Kuma. Nothing to worry about it," the man calmly replied, before nearly fading right out of existance again.

_Rule number 4: Choose a victim that is actually human and more opaque than yourself.  
><em>


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